My Story: Is it just ME? Or is it an ADHD thing?

Introduction: Understanding ADHD in Women

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is often misunderstood, especially when it comes to women. For many years, ADHD has been largely seen as a condition that affects hyperactive young boys—those disruptive kids in the back of the classroom who couldn’t sit still or stop interrupting the teacher. But the reality is far more complex. ADHD manifests differently in girls and women, often slipping under the radar for years, sometimes even decades, before it's recognized or diagnosed.

For me, it took 37 years to fully understand what had been a constant, yet subtle, presence in my life. Growing up, I had always felt “different,” but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I wasn’t hyperactive in the traditional sense, and I wasn’t a problem in the classroom, at least not in the obvious ways ADHD was often portrayed. But inside, I was battling something that made focus, organization, and emotional regulation a daily struggle. It wasn’t until I reached a breaking point—after years of missed opportunities, emotional turbulence, and feeling like I wasn’t living up to my potential—that I began to realize what was really going on. ADHD had been shaping my life all along.

It's funny how life unfolds, especially when you spend most of it not realizing you’re running on a different wavelength than everyone else. I’m 37 now, and it took me a long time to figure out that what I thought was just me being “different” was actually something much bigger: ADHD. As a woman, discovering this later in life felt like finally finding the right prescription lenses after yeas of squinting through the blur.

Growing up, I was always a bit scattered, a little too much in my own world, but nothing that seemed like a problem. In school, I could tun out the entire class and get lost in my thoughts. Sometimes that worked in my favor—like when I hyperfocused on a project I loved and completed it in record time—but most of the time, it left me scrambling to catch up. I had no idea that his was ADHD. No one did. Girls like me, especially in the 90s, weren’t the ones being sent for evaluations. We were quiet, “good,” daydreaming through class without causing a scene.

The pattern followed me into adulthood. I struggled to focus on a task, organize my thoughts or ideas, emotional regulation, time management, but I just chalked it up to being a bit of a scatterbrain, someone who just had a lot on her mind. But the truth was, my mind was constantly running in different directions, and I couldn’t rein it in. I wasn’t lazy or irresponsible. I was undiagnosed. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized this was ADHD all along.

ADHD in Women: Subtle but Powerful

ADHD in women often flies under the radar because it doesn’t always look like the stereotypical disorder we associate with hyperactivity. For many of us, ADHD presents as chronic inattention, emotional sensitivity, and an overwhelming sense of being out of sync with the world around us. We may not have been the loud, disruptive students, but we were the daydreamers, the ones who quietly struggled to keep up.

In my case, I often felt like my brain was tuned to a different frequency than everyone else’s. School was either too easy or too hard, and I couldn’t figure out why. At home, I was scatterbrained, jumping from one hobby to the next, leaving a trail of half-finished projects in my wake. But because I wasn’t causing trouble, and because I wasn’t obviously failing, my struggles were easy to overlook.

This is a common experience for many women with ADHD. Society expects women to be organized, to keep everything together, to multitask seamlessly—whether it’s at work, at home, or in our relationships. When we fail to meet those expectations, we blame ourselves. We’re told we’re lazy, unmotivated, or just not trying hard enough. And we internalize those messages. It’s not until much later, sometimes well into adulthood, that we begin to realize the truth: it’s not that we aren’t capable—it’s that our brains are wired differently.

The Frustration of Being Dismissed: “We All Have a Little ADHD, Right?”

One of the most frustrating things I’ve encountered since being diagnosed with ADHD is the dismissive reaction from others when I talk about it. There’s this pervasive attitude that everyone has a little ADHD in them. How many times have I heard someone say, “Yeah, don’t we all forget things?” or, “I get distracted sometimes too—doesn’t everyone?” as if my diagnosis were just an excuse for laziness or forgetfulness. It’s like they’re saying, stop acting like a victim, we all struggle with this stuff.

Here’s the truth: no, not everyone has ADHD. Sure, we all forget things sometimes. We all get distracted now and then. But there’s a profound difference between the occasional slip of focus and living with a condition that fundamentally alters how your brain processes the world. ADHD isn’t about being lazy or careless. It’s about having a brain that functions differently on a chemical level, and it can’t be solved by “just trying harder” or “getting more organized.” When someone brushes off my ADHD with a casual, “I do that too,” it feels like they’re minimizing a lifelong struggle that has shaped everything from my relationships to my career.

What’s even more frustrating is that these reactions often come with an undertone of judgment. As if admitting that I have ADHD is some sort of moral failing—that if I were more disciplined or focused, I wouldn’t have these problems. But ADHD isn’t about lacking discipline or being lazy. It’s a neurological condition that affects everything from memory and time management to emotional regulation and impulse control. And while everyone may experience moments of distraction, there is a world of difference between occasional forgetfulness and the relentless, everyday battle with a brain that feels like it’s constantly working against you.

Nutritional Deficiency vs. Chemical Imbalance: Understanding the Difference

Another argument I’ve heard when discussing ADHD is that maybe it’s just a symptom of modern life—stress, poor nutrition, too much screen time. While it’s true that our lifestyles can exacerbate certain behaviors (and nutritional deficiencies can certainly impact brain function), ADHD goes much deeper than that. Yes, we might all experience brain fog if we skip a meal or get distracted when we’re overwhelmed, but ADHD is not simply a lifestyle problem that can be fixed with a better diet or less screen time.

For those of us with ADHD, the problem isn’t just about being overwhelmed or undernourished—it’s about brain chemistry. ADHD involves real differences in how the brain produces and processes neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine, which are crucial for regulating attention, motivation, and emotional responses. When these chemicals are out of balance, it doesn’t matter how much sleep you get or how many leafy greens you eat—your brain still isn’t functioning the way it’s supposed to.

And the impact of ADHD on a woman’s life can’t be understated. It’s not just about forgetting where you put your keys or missing an appointment; it’s about struggling to keep up with the basic demands of life, feeling overwhelmed by tasks that seem simple to others, and living with a constant undercurrent of anxiety, guilt, and shame. It’s about navigating relationships that are strained because you can’t seem to remember important dates or follow through on promises, or dealing with career setbacks because you can’t focus long enough to meet deadlines. It’s about feeling like you’re always one step behind, no matter how hard you try.

Shutting Down the “We All Have It” Mentality

I want this book to put to rest the notion that “we all” have ADHD symptoms, and that women with ADHD are just complaining or being dramatic. That couldn’t be further from the truth. For women with ADHD, the struggle is real, and it’s often invisible to the people around us. It’s not just that we lose track of time or forget things occasionally—it’s that our brains are wired in a way that makes it nearly impossible to function in a world that demands constant attention, organization, and multitasking.

When people dismiss ADHD by claiming they experience similar symptoms, they aren’t acknowledging the full weight of what it means to live with this condition. They aren’t considering the deep emotional toll that comes with feeling like a failure every day, despite trying as hard as you possibly can. They aren’t thinking about the ripple effect ADHD has on every aspect of life—how it affects not just your ability to work, but your relationships, your health, and your sense of self-worth.

Women with ADHD face a unique set of challenges. Many of us are diagnosed later in life, after years of struggling to meet societal expectations without knowing why it felt so much harder for us than it did for others. We’re often told that our symptoms are “just stress” or “hormonal,” and that we need to “try harder” or “get it together.” But ADHD isn’t something that can be overcome with sheer willpower. It’s a legitimate neurological condition that requires understanding, support, and sometimes medical intervention.